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Archive for January, 2010

Scud_The_Disposable_Assassin_1These days you cant throw a rock without hitting a movie based on a comic book. So far most comic book movies have been based on superheroes, although the occasional lesser known title gets picked up. One cult favorite  from the 90′s that absolutely needs to be made into a movie is S.C.U.D the disposable assassin. SCUD would be difficult to do as a live action feature (unless by Guillermo Del Toro) but as a 3D CGI cartoon this movie would make bank.

SCUD is a disposable assasin who gets purchase from a futuristic vending machine to kill a mark. When said marc is destroyed the SCUD unit self destructs.  Unfortunately this SCUD happens to spy the instruction manual on his back and formulates a plan to stay alive by not killing his mark. On his first mission, he is sent to kill Jeff, a rampaging female mutant with mousetraps for hands, an electrical plug for a head, and a squid for a belt. Instead he mortally wounds her and begins to work as a bounty hunter to pay for Jeff’s life support. If this wasnt wierd enough he comes upon a time traveling rocking horse, the robot mafia, and the Satanic Benjamin Franklin who is hell bent on destroying the world.

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Let’s talk about merging! That’s right, the act of changing lanes when the road narrows to a single lane. Why is it that there are still Assholes who refuse to merge in an efficient manner.

“QUICK GET AHEAD OF AS MANY CARS AS POSSIBLE!!!”

These asses are the reason merging lanes are a nightmare! If everyone merged into the proper lane as soon as they saw the warning sign, we could all cruise through at a modest 40 miles an hour rather than coming to a complete stop; All because 3 MORONS decide that they are SOOOO Important that they shouldn’t have to get into your lane until they run out of road.

How is this so difficult to understand? There is always at least one jerk that acts like his passenger wheels are set on a track directly over the white shoulder line and won’t deviate from his present course for fear of sideswiping oncoming traffic. DONT BE THIS GUY!!! If your lane will soon disappear….GET OUT OF THAT LANE!!!!  Sometimes I can’t wait until I’m 90 Years old and couldn’t care less about my car. At that point I am going to sideswipe these assholes into an embankment and blame it on senility.

Time magazine recently published their top 100 Toys of All Time, but I found their section on the eighties severely lacking of some of my favorites from my childhood so this is my list of the best toys of all MY time. 10. BOGLINS- Hands down one of the coolest toys ever created, I really have to wonder if these just got too expensive to produce, because I cant see any other reason for these to have gone away. A latex hand puppet with moving eyes came in his own cage with slide open bars. What great marketing and “green” thinking for all the hippies out there. Kids kept the box the toy came in because it was part of the toy! I personally had VLOBB over here but to this day I still want BLOBKIN the Halloween edition Jack o’lantern Boglin. In fact if anyone is savvy enough to find me a Blobkin in great condition and send it to me…FREE ILLUSTRATION of anything you want!! you got my email! (more…)

Return of the 1980′s in 3D

Posted: 29th January 2010 by Jon in MOVIEs
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3D_cinema_audience_1950s_National_Archive_no_copyright_restrictionsYES its true. It seems the 1980′s have returned minus  Reaganomics and John Hughes.  The movie studios are jumping on the big blue bandwagon that was Avatar, and EVERYTHING must be in glorious mind bending 3D. So far here is the list of movies that have been confirmed to be in 3D this week (I think youll understand the title after reading this)

Gremlins 3, Tron 2, Ghostbusters 3, Halloween 3 (D), Clash of the Titans, Star Wars Episodes 1-6 (keep milkin’ that cow Lucas),Twister 2 (not 100% confirmed), Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 1&2, Alice in Wonderland,  Zombiland 2, and Night of the Living Dead 3D.

Honestly the only movie coming out in the next 3 years I have any desire to see in 3D besides Tron 2 is Bioshock. With its current status as pending after Gore Verbinski leaving the project, it may not even happen. This just proves Hollywood is run by clueless businessmen. A movie in 3d is only good if the environment and effects warrant it. Tron is a perfect Candidate, and Becoming enveloped in the world of Rapture in Bioshock would be worth it, but Gremilins? Ghostbusters?  Oh well, I cant wait to see how they try to 3D up the next awful Sandra Bullock Chick Flick.

Enough Already with Improper Devil Horns

Posted: 29th January 2010 by Jon in NEWS

The Devil Horns, originally a pagan gesture of protection for warding off the evil eye, was adopted by legions of Metal fans, after Ronny James Dio began using it as a means of creating his Black Sabbath persona. Now the devil horns have become the universal symbol of “ROCK ON” and is seen raised at concerts of numerous genres.  This gesture is the all encompassing symbol of cool, so of course it has begun being co-opted by douche bag advertisers, and used incorrectly.

Every couple of months some new commercial comes along that  has a supposedly uncool business type interacting with teenagers and surprising them by flashing the faux devil horns. I say faux devil horns because he doesn’t flash the devil horns, he flashes the I love You sign.

Do you see the difference? Advertisers when you cast these commercials make sure you get some knowledge, meet with your idiot actor, and tell him to tuck that little thumb digit in.  That is of course unless your supporting a grown man professing his love to teenage boys. ENOUGH  I LOVE YOU HORNS!!!